5 essential criteria for choosing the best wedding witnesses

You’ve chosen your best friend over your mother as best man and the tension is mounting? We’ll help you consider the 5 essential criteria for choosing your wedding witnesses.

And while some traditions favor parents in this role, you don’t have to. There are other ways to honor them, and we’ve outlined a few solutions.

Unlike the more festive bridal procession, the responsibility of best man is a legal and more formal one. As such, it’s limited to one or two people per groom.

Here are our suggested criteria for selecting your loved ones.

Criteria 1 - Committed and available witnesses

Witnesses play a key role both before and during the wedding. While the bridal party helps you with the preparations, witnesses are essential throughout and even help you make decisions.

You’ll need them, probably even to organize the bachelor party. They can’t let you down. Not least because they also sign the marriage certificate on the big day.

Criteria 2 - Absolute trust and proximity

Whether it’s a parent, a sibling or a friend, the relationship must be well established. Communication is very open and frank, and trust is absolute. You need to be able to rely on the witnesses you choose.

Both emotionally and logistically. This criterion follows on from the first. These individuals must be available to help you plan the wedding, which will require time and dedication.

Criteria no. 3 - Management and organizational skills

A good witness is often an extension of yourself, or even better, fills in the gaps. They handle the unexpected and take initiative because they’re well organized. That’s what makes them the perfect person to plan your bachelor or bachelorette party.

This type of individual, if you recognize your loved ones in this description, will also manage to masterfully lead the speeches and program on the wedding day. And everything will go off without a hitch.

Criteria no. 4 - Calm beings offering emotional stability

Not only will your wedding day undoubtedly be stressful, but so will the preparations. So selecting witnesses who are calm by nature and able to manage their emotions well even under pressure is crucial.

They should be able to give you the moral support you need to cope with the stress of the run-up to the wedding. So choose people you know will be empathetic. They need to understand you, without judging your moments of frustration or vulnerability.

Criteria no. 5 - A good head for conflict management...

Think of an individual who could easily defuse any tensions that might arise between members of the procession or between families.

All it takes is someone close to you with a mediating nature, a sense of humor, or simply a natural tact. Or perhaps simply someone who understands human nature through his or her professional background or passion for psychology? The choice is yours.

Do you want to name your parents as witnesses or not?

You may be close to your mother or father and naturally want to name them as witnesses. If not, your refusal may lead to conflict. Particularly if your parents are attached to certain traditions.

2. How to break the news?

The best way to deal with your parents is to tell them your reasons. In particular, because of the responsibilities of the witnesses and all the logistics involved. Focus on the wedding day, when you want them to enjoy themselves.

Then mention that you’ve reserved another, equally symbolic role for them. That’s probably where you’ll ease any resentment. Also explain that this is not a rejection, but a personal choice.

3. Alternative roles for your parents at your wedding

In addition to the witnesses, your parents can be symbolically designated for :

A special reading, such as an introductory speech, anecdotes or a poem;
A blessing;
A special ritual, such as reading their personal vows for your wedding, or prayers;
Welcoming guests and hosting your cocktail party;
The presentation of wedding rings;
To be at the front of the bridal party on arrival during the ceremony, as well as reserved VIP seating in the front row.

To remember when choosing your wedding witnesses

So you’re free to make your own choices when it comes to selecting your wedding witnesses. Let your heart take precedence over any sense of obligation to anyone. These people will be with you for many months, helping to make your big day run smoothly.

So you need to think carefully about what resonates most with you. Remember the essential criteria: